WEiRd voices for your head

Butchering the Human Carcass for Human Consumption

This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the
human body from the full figure into serviceable choice
cuts of meat. As in any field, there are a number of
methods to the practice, and you may wish to view this
as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules.
You will notice that the carving of the larger or
"commercial" cuts down into smaller specific or "retail"
cuts will be only mentioned in passing, and not
concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and
viscera is generally avoided, and left only to the
most experimental chef. These choices, along with
recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly infinite
in variety, and we leave them to you. We've found these
guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize
that there is always room for improvement and we welcome
your suggestions.

Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned
that the complete rendering of the human carcass requires
a fairly large amount of time, effort, and space.
If the consumer does not wish to go through the ordeal
of processing and storing the bulk of the entire animal,
an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one
or both legs at the points directly below the groin and a
few inches above the knee. Once skinned, these portions
may then be cut into round steaks of the carver's preferred
thickness, cut into fillets, deboned for a roast, etc.
Meat for several meals is thus readily obtained without
the need for gutting and the complexities of preparing
the entire form.

The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history
as "long pig" and "hairless goat" in the case of younger
specimens) is not generally thought of as a staple food
source. Observing the anatomy and skeleton, one can see
that the animal is neither built nor bred for its meat,
and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as
a pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer
breaks down to provide 432 pounds of saleable beef).
The large central pelvis and broad shoulder blades also
interfere with achieving perfect cuts. There are advantages
to this however, especially due to the fact that the typical
specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily manipulated
by one person with sufficient leverage.

Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned.
It is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for
slaughter are kept in tightly controlled environments with
their health and diet carefully maintained. Humans are not.
Thus not only is the meat of each person of varying quality,
but people are also subject to an enormous range of diseases,
infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad habits,
all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages,
the meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy.
No farm animal is ever allowed to age for thirty years.
Six to thirteen months old is a more common slaughtering
point. You will obviously want a youthful but mature
physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain
amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a juicy,
flavorful quality to the meat. We personally prefer firm
Caucasian females in their early twenties. These are "ripe".
But tastes vary, and it is a very large herd.

The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work
(an interior location is suggested), and a large table for a
butcher's block. A central overhead support will need to be
chosen or installed ahead of time to hang the carcass from.
Large tubs or barrels for blood and waste trimmings should
be convenient, and a water source close by. Most of the work
can be done with a few simple tools: sharp, clean short and
long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a hacksaw.

Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best
results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in
captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible
make sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of
water. This fasting helps flush the system, purging stored
toxins and bodily wastes, as well as making bleeding and
cleaning easier. Under ideal conditions, the specimen will
then be stunned into insensitivity. Sharp unexpected blows
to the head are best, tranquilizers not being recommended as
they may taint the flavor of the meat. If this is not possible
without exciting the animal and causing a struggle (which will
pump a greater volume of blood and secretions such as adrenaline
throughout the body), a single bullet through the middle of
the forehead or back of the skull will suffice.

Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready
to be hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with
the head down. This is called the "Gein configuration".
Simple loops of rope may be tied around the hands and feet
and then attached to a crossbar or overhead beam. Or, by making
a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a meathook may be inserted
into each ankle for hanging support. The legs should be spread
so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the arms
roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to
the pelvis, and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready
position for removal. It's easiest to work if the feet are
slightly above the level of the butcher's head.

Bleeding: Place a large open vessel beneath the animal's
head. With a long-bladed knife, start at one corner of
the jaw and make a deep "ear-to-ear" cut through the neck
and larynx to the opposite side. This will sever the internal
and external carotid arteries, the major blood vessels
carrying blood from the heart to the head, face, and brain.
If the animal is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly,
and allow for the blood to drain in any case. After the
initial rush of blood, the stream should be controllable
and can be directed into a receptacle. Drainage can be
assisted by massaging the extremities down in the direction
of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing, "pumping",
the stomach. A mature specimen will contain almost six liters
of blood. There is no use for this fluid, unless some source
is waiting to use it immediately for ritual purposes. It acts
as an emetic in most people if drunk, and it must be mentioned
here that because of the eternal possibility of AIDS it is
recommended that for safety's sake all blood should be
considered to be contaminated and disposed of in some fashion.
It is not known whether an HlV-infected human's flesh is
dangerous even if cooked, but this is another item to consider
when choosing a specimen, someone in the low-risk strata.

Beheading: When the bleeding slows, preparation for
decapitation can be started. Continue the cut to the
throat around the entire neck, from the jawline to the
back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament have been
sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping
it on either side and twisting it off, separation occurring
where the spinal cord meets the skull. This is indicative
of the method to be used for dividing other bones or joints,
in that the meat should generally be cut through first with
a knife, and the exposed bone then separated with a saw or
cleaver. The merits of keeping the skull as a trophy are
debatable for two principal reasons. First, a human skull
may call suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly,
thorough cleaning is difficult due to the large brain mass,
which is hard to remove without opening the skull.
The brain is not good to eat. Removing the tongue and eyes,
skinning the head, and placing it outside in a wire cage
may be effective. The cage allows small scavengers such as
ants and maggots to cleanse the flesh from the bones,
while preventing it being carried off by larger scavengers,
such as dogs and children. After a sufficient period of time,
you may retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute bleach
solution to sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.

Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the
body down. Because there is no major market for human hides,
particular care in removing the skin in a single piece is not
necessary, and makes the task much easier. The skin is in fact
a large organ, and by flaying the carcass you not only expose
the muscular configuration, but also get rid of the hair and
the tiny distasteful glands which produce sweat and oil.
A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing into
muscle and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers,
an outer thinner one with a thicker tissue layer below it.
When skinning, first score the surface, cutting lightly to be
sure of depth and direction. The diagram of the skinning
pattern is an example of strip-style skinning, dividing
the surface into portions easy to handle. Reflect the skin
by lifting up and peeling back with one hand, while bringing
the knife in as flat to the skin as possible to cut away
connective tissue. The external genitals present only a small
obstacle. In the male the penis and scrotum can be pulled away
from the body and severed, in the female the outer lips
skinned as the rest of the body. It is important to leave
the anus untouched at this point, and a circle of skin
should be left around it. You need not bother skinning
the hands and feet, these portions not being worth
the effort unless you plan to pickle them or use them
in soup. The skin can be disposed of, or made into fried
rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer layer,
then cut into smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling
oil until puffy and crisp. Dust with garlic salt,
paprika and cayenne pepper.

Gutting: The next major step is complete evisceration of
the carcass. To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus,
the point between the breastbone and stomach, almost to
the anus. Be very careful not to cut into the intestines,
as this will contaminate the surrounding area with bacteria
and possibly feces (if this does happen, cleanse thoroughly).
A good way to avoid this is to use the knife inside
the abdominal wall, blade facing toward you, and making
cautious progress. Make a cut around the anus, or "bung",
and tie it off with twine. This also prevents contamination,
keeping the body from voiding any material left in the bowel.
With a saw, cut through the pubic bone, or "aitch".
The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin
to pull the organ masses (large and small intestines,
kidneys, liver, stomach) out and cut them away from the back
wall of the body. For the upper torso, first cut through
the diaphragm around the inner surface of the carcass.
This is the muscular membrane which divides the upper,
or thoracic, and the lower abdominal cavities. Remove
the breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side
where it connects to the ribs, and then sawing through
and detaching it from the collar bone. Some prefer to cut
straight through the middle, depending on the ideas you have
for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs may be
detached and the throat cut into to remove the larynx and
trachea. Once all of the inner organs have been removed,
trim away any blood vessels or remaining pieces of connective
tissue from the interior of the carcass, and wash out thoroughly.

Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now
ready to begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder,
and remove the arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone
and shoulder blade. Chop the hand off an inch or so above
the wrist. Most of the meat here is between elbow and
shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and due
to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm.
Another way of cutting this portion is to cut away the
deltoid muscle from the upper arm near the shoulder
(but leaving it attached to the trunk) before removing
the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable meat
on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when
excising the shoulder blade. Purely a matter of personal
preference. Cut into and break apart the joint of the elbow,
and the two halves of each arm are now ready for carving
servings from. Human flesh should always be properly
cooked before eating.

Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split.
Some like to saw straight through the spine from buttocks
to neck. This leaves the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae
on the end of the ribs. The meat here however is tightly
wrapped about the bone, and we find it more suitable
(if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, our preferred
method is to completely remove the entire backbone by cutting
and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.

Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down,
unless your preparation table or butcher block is very short.
This is inadequate, and you will have to quarter while hanging,
slicing through the side at a point of your choosing between
rib cage and pelvis. Now is also the time to begin thinking
about how you would like to serve the flesh, as this will
determine the style of cuts you are about to make. These will
also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration
(physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off
at a point about three inches up from the ankle. The bones
are very thick where the leg connects to the foot. You will
want to divide the side of meat into two further principal
portions: the ribs and shoulder, and the half-pelvis and leg.
In between is the "flank" or belly, which may be used for
fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even bacon strips if
you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh may
also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along
the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you will cut
steaks from the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve
accordingly.

Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat
you will get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass
as divided into major portions. You may trim away the neck,
or leave it to be connected with the shoulder, or "chuck".
The first major step with this mass is to remove the shoulder
blade and the collar bone. The best and easiest way we have
found is to just cut along the outline of the shoulder blade,
removing the meat on top and then dislocating the large bone.
To excise the collar bone make an incision along its length and
then cut and pry it away. Depending upon the development of
the breast, you may decide it qualifies as a "brisket" and remove
it before cutting the ribs. In the female the breast is composed
largely of glands and fatty tissue, and despite its appetizing
appearance is rather inedible. The ribs are the choice cut of
the quarter. An perennial favorite for barbecuing, you may divide
into sections of several ribs each and cook them as is, divide
the strip in half for shorter ribs, or even carve rib steaks if
the muscle mass is sufficient.

Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is,
humans being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in
the legs and rump. The bulk is so comparatively large here
that you can do just about anything with it. The main pieces
are the buttock or rump and the upper leg, the thigh. Our
typical division is to cut the leg off at the bottom of the
buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the knee, at places
two to three inches away in either direction. Before doing this,
however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from
the back of the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area.
The upper leg is now ready for anything, most especially some
beautiful, thick round steaks. The rump will have to be carved
from the pelvis in a rather triangular piece. The legs attach
at the hip at a forward point on the body, so there will be
little interference as you carve along the curve of the pelvis.
Remaining meat will be on the thighs in front of the pelvis.

And that's basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of
storage space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-
fashioned smokehouse (just like an outhouse, with a stone
firepit instead of a shitter). Offal and other waste trimmings
can be disposed of in a number of ways, burial, animal feed,
and puree and flush being just a few. Bones will dry and become
brittle after being baked an oven, and can be pulverized.