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Anecdotes in English from Russia
In England many bizarre traditions and rules are still there.
Here is the story of one of those.
A couple that has not had children after four years of marriage does have the right to get external assistance in such a delicate family issue.
So one of the couples experienced this bitterness decided to use their right.
The husband, when leaving home in the morning while being very upset, asked his wife of being as decent as possible when the assistant comes.
Accidentally there lived a man happy to have a big family in the same building. On the same day he had a photographer invited to come over to take pictures of the man-s children. The photographer was an extremely distracted person as most of creative people are so, no wonder, he missed the right apartment and knocked on the door of the wife awaiting.
- Hello, miss.
- Please, don't spare you words, I'm aware
- Your husband must have told you I was supposed to come.
- Yes, and I am all prepared.
- Well, if that is so, I would like to introduce you to all the poses we will work in, before we actually start.
- I hear what you are saying.
- From my experience the most effective poses are the following: when standing, lying down, in a bath.
- In a bath?!?!
- Yes, mam. Oh, please trust my expertise and let me show you some samples of my prior assignments. Have a look, this kid was made on a bus roof.
- What?!?! On a bus roof, at everyone's sight? Oh, God!
- Yes, mam, precisely so, that was the mother's caprice. And this one was made in the shop window.
- In the shop window? With all the spectators around?
- What could I do, mam? His mother was a moviestar and she wanted it for publicity purposes.
The photographer continued with more photos and detailed comments. When the demonstration was over he took some cotton wool and put it into his nostrils.
- Excuse me, what is this cotton wool for, I wonder?
- Mam, I can't stand the scent of the burning rubber. I propose we start in the bathroom.
- OK.
- One moment, please I need to take the rack.
- What, the rack? God! Why the rack?
- You see, my instrument is so heavy that it is nearly impossible to hold it with out the rack.
With these words the lady fainted. The shocked photographer grabbed his camera and raced out of the apartment.
In a little while the assistant was taking the stairs up to the apartment where the unlucky couple lived, where he met the wife of the happy man.
- Hello, mam. Have you called for a one-time service?
- Yes, we have, mister.
- I have to warn you that regardless of my abilities and passion one time may not be enough and you need to place an order for some time next week.
- All right, I will do that. So, where is your device?
- Oh, madm, I must admit you're the wittiest woman in London. Of course, it is with me!
- Excuse me, I have not noticed it. As a rule people of your profession have it big enough to catch it at a first glance.
- I feel a bit offended, madam. Please tale a look. My device dimensions were certified by the mayor. I can assure you it is absolutely efficient.
- I am sorry, all this techniques is not my forte. My husband asked our neighbour who is very much fond of it, but they could not make it.
- Well, madam. The amateurs in our trade can be prosecuted. No concerns, none of them can conquer the professionals of our firm.
- I appreciate that. Then let's get started. And I tell you, if I like it I will be you permanent client.
- Don't worry, madam, I have a heavy background. I got up to 200 clients with no complaints.
- I'd like to think my hopes are worth your efforts. I prefer to start in the bathroom. The bath must be ready with the water by now.
- I am much intrigued here, madam.
- We will continue in the nursery, in the chair, on the toy "locomotive"
- Mam, I can't make it more than three times at once.
- What?!?! Unbelievable. A friend of mine, she got all done in one visit. She's had 15 positions.
- Excuse me, there must be a mistake here, we don't have such professionals in our firm. If I cancel the rest of my appointments I still can't go over 6. That is the most I can do.
- Is that because you have only one device? The specialist who visited my friend had two, one in the front and one on the side.
- Madam, you have definitely been deluded. There are no such phenomena in the mankind.
- Oh, stop it, please. I really would like to start now.
- Ok, madam, he said and took off his clothes as professionally as he could.
- Jesus Christ! and she collapsed.
Перевод на русский язык здесь
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