Did you hear that Captain Hook died from jock itch?
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying,
"Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big
Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat,
said, "Red, I'm going to fuck your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and
pulled out a .44 magnum. She pointed it at him and said, "No you're not!
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is fuckin' Goofy."
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they had sex. Pinocchio therefore went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"