Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is fuckin' Goofy."

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they had sex. Pinocchio therefore went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

So, You're Having a bad day????
This document was received by Adam Erickson's dad as some sort of company-wide mailing at IBM in Rochester, MN.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive tank, flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem examination revealed that the perosn died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.
Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast--some 20 MILES from the forest. The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as soon as possible, called in fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied.
You guessed it!!! One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300m in the air. appearantly, he extinguished exactly 1.78m (5'10") of the fire.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed!!!!!

Анекдоты и смешные рассказы на английском языке

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