14 Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out

[ˈfɔːˈtiːn sаɪnz jə ˈɒnlаɪn rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp ˈɪznt ˈwɜːkɪŋ аʊt]

14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.

[jʊ dɪsˈkʌvə ðæt ˈʧesti məkˈbʌst ˈɪznt hɜː rɪəl neɪm, ənd ʃiz ˈdаɪəlɪŋ ɪn frɒm ˈlæŋli, ˈviːˈeɪ.]

13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.

[jʊ lɑːʤ, ˈheərɪ mæn. jər ˈɒnlаɪn ˈgɜːlfrend lɑːʤ, ˈheərɪ mæn.]

12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."

[hɜː ˈpəʊstˌmɑːstə ˈriːʤekts jər ˈiː meɪl nɒt æz ʌndɪˈlɪvərəbl bʌt æz ʌnˈlаɪklɪ tə get jʊ ˈenɪweə.]

11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she learns you're worth 45,000 points. (вероятно, речь идет о компьютерной игре)

[ˈɑːftə mʌnθs ɒv ʃeəd ɪksˈpɪərɪənsɪz ənd ɪˈməʊʃənl ɪnˈvestmənts, ʃiː əˈtæks jʊ ɪn ðə mаɪnz ɒv kwɔːn wɪð ə ˈvɔːpəl sɔːd wen ʃiː lɜːnz jə wɜːθ ˈfɔːtɪ fаɪv ˈθаʊzənd pɔɪnts.]

10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."

[rɪˈtɜːnd meɪl ˈjuːzə ˈʌnˈnəʊn ənd ˈnevə wɒnts tə hɪə frɒm jʊ əˈgen.]

9) Your cyberlover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.

[jə ˈsаɪbə ˈlʌvə ɪz ʤʌst tuː ˈbɪzɪ ˈedɪtɪŋ ðæt ˈsɪlɪ ˈlɪtl tɒp fаɪv lɪst]

8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by (она случайно проговорилась о том, что пропустила бритье своего подбородка).

[ˈgetɪŋ pəˈhæps ə bɪt tuː ˈkʌmfətəbl, ʃiː lets ə ˈrefrəns tə ˈkʌtɪŋ hɜː ʧɪn ˈʃeɪvɪŋ slɪp bаɪ]

7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.

[jʊ dɪsˈkʌvə ðæt ʃiː hæz biːn ˈkʌtɪŋ ənd ˈpeɪstɪŋ hɜːr ˈɔːgæzmz.]

6) You can barely make out your SO's (= significant other's) face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.

[jʊ kæn ˈbeəlɪ meɪk аʊt jər ˈesˈəʊz (sɪgˈnɪfɪkənt ˈʌðəz) feɪs ɪn ðə ˈʤeɪ peg ʃiː sent bɪˈkɒz ʃiz əbˈskjʊəd bаɪ hɜː ˈtwentɪ fаɪv kæts]

5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.

[hiː kleɪmz tə biː ðə ˈrɪʧɪst mæn ɪn ðə wɜːld, bʌt hɪz gɪf lʊks lаɪk sʌm giːk huː wɜːks fər ə 'sɒftweə ˈkʌmpənɪ.]

4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com has become cold and distant.

[sɪns hɜː fɜːst 'iː meɪl, (Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com) hæz bɪˈkʌm kəʊld ənd ˈdɪstənt.]

3) She's suddenly changed her address to comingout@lesbian.com

[ʃiz ˈsʌdnlɪ ʧeɪnʤd hɜːr əˈdres tʊ ˈkʌmɪŋ аʊt æt ˈlezbɪən kɒm.]

2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious "tubby@whitehouse.gov"

[ken stɑː ˈlɔːnʧɪz ən ɪnˌvestɪˈgeɪʃən ˈɪntʊ jə rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp wɪð ðə mɪsˈtɪərɪəs ˈtʌbɪ æt wаɪt hаʊs dɒt gʌv.]

1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be.

[ɪn ən аɪˈrɒnɪk twɪst ɒv feɪt, jʊ dɪsˈkʌvə ðæt ðiː ˈɒbʤɪkt ɒv jər əˈfekʃən ɪz ə kɜːˈveɪʃəs ˈeɪˈtiːn jɪər əʊld ˈrɑːðə ðæn ðə ˈgiːki ˈfɔːˈtiːn jɪər əʊld bɔɪ ʃiːd prɪˈtendɪd tə biː.]

До встречи!

Искренне ваш,
Алексей Винидиктов
vinidiktov.ru